blogger confessions.

i am so into current events and news. I was listening to this talk radio station and the host was talking about how someone made a billboard talking about the Deval Patrick, and how the billboard showed an empty parking lot. Thats really all I got out of it because paying attention the corner killers in Brockton is a full time stint. So anyway the Host goes on to say that CNN declared this advertising racist. The host didn't understand why, he said "I don't think this is racist, why would it be, it's just an empty parking lot...sheesh" Okay...he didn't say sheesh but you get the idea.

This got me so mad I was thinking about calling in and giving him a piece of my mind. I understand that there are times where we black people as a society look too deep into things, and why shouldn't we. We should always be awarre of what people are saying especially white people because they get a little too slick with their words. Just like this billboard. An empty parking lot and the black man go hand in hand with the stereotype of black men being theives and what better place to rob someone then an empty parking lot. I think there are times that Black People should look into things, but then there are times like when a black person says, "YEA, IT'S CAUSE I'M BLACK." Arg, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I guess.

this weekend.

i knew i had to go out and wanted to go out. so i set up my cards and played them very well. while i was telling my mom i was going out she hit me with this news.

As I drove up to Boston talking to my husby on the phone I had that in the back of mind. I parked next to a gas station and bought myself a bag of chips and orange juice. I walked back to my car looking around and making sure my environment was safe, and also thhinking how I would defend myself just in case something was to happen. I got into work and I had this same conversation with my co-workers and they all had the same views. it's scary out there for women t just walk around alone. My co-worker Dan said he's upset that his fiance walks home alone sometimes from the bar. He lives in a nice area of Cambridge but yet he's still afraid. In my mind I thought that you could walk alone in the middle of Roxbury and the most that could happen is someone try to rob you, let alone chop you into pieces and leave in Blue Hill.

I heard on the radio this same conversation as well. Between black people and white people and how white people will chop someone to pieces but black people will shoot you first.

On Sunday while my parents, my husby and I sat down for dinner, we talked about this too. But it switched on parents losing their minds and killing their children. My dad stood his ground and said "HAVE YOU EVER HEARD A BLACK PERSON KILLING THEIR CHILDREN...No." Well I stepped in and said yes remember when...He denied that statement and said well there was something up with her, she couldn't afford those kids and thought she was doing it for the better, while the WHITE folks just kill because "GOD" told them to. Whats the difference?

If color is a divident to what is going on in society then this is a proof upon proof that racism is a crime. And who/what is the definition of what is wrong and right?

-thoughts

good to see you.

it's good to see you again.
good to hold you again.
good to kiss your face and breathe upon you again.
good to feel your hands on my body again.
i can't stop thinking about you.
good to see you.

em hotep.

"in peace"

I feel my mind has opened up since reading this book. i have learned so much about my home land, my ancestors and elders. who my mother is and how i came upon this earth. how i am earth. my womb is the center of my being and i am to treat my body as a temple, an opening to my future daughters and sons. in order to bring beauty in this world i have to treat my self in beauty and wholistic foods and thoughts. i have then served my womanhood to my land and old teachings. kemet here i come.

i drempt of xaimar last night.

i had a dream of my future unborn child. He was sleeping and moving around very slightly. i could feel him breathe and feel his soft skin against mine. his little body depending on me to survive. he was so sweet. wanting to be into this world so bad he interrupted my dreams just to say hello. i acknowledge you my little baby Xaimar.

u really know.

u really know how to make a woman retrace her steps and go back to a day. morning. when she would enter ur home and suck on u like ox tail and make love to u like as if it were the last piece of dick she would ever have. u know. how to make a woman fall back and recognize. u know. how to make a woman wish she could relive. u know. how to make a woman fantasize. fantasize. i am woman. but u already knew that.

plucking strings

ooo i wanna be here:

360 degree eye

I went to a afrocentric store in brockton and picked up a book called

Sacred Woman: A Guide To Healing The Feminine Body, Mind And Spirit

The lady behind the counter says this book is especially good for women who are trying to cleanse themselves and create a healthy womb and lifestyle. I am def. down to cleanse and release. I am going to buy some frankincense and myrrh to open my home and brush away the hate and plugged spiritualness. I am on a path, let's see where I go from here.

i want to visit you.

i want to visit you in ur cold bed. i want to touch ur face and say you look so cute. i want to place flowers by ur bed side and whisper how much i miss you. i want to come with all the saints attached to my wrists and say damn i loved you. i want to lay above ur bed and take in the ora rising up from your resting place. i want to dig my hands into the earth and plant my love for you always. i wish we made love that day i visited you and bought a sandwich from Pete's. i wish i could of fallen into your arms and had your children in peace and maybe just maybe you would still be here with me. was it a little girl or a boy that u wanted? i think it was a girl. you said so that she would have my smile and your good looks. i will never forget you. no matter how many good times i have my life or bad, a part of my tears will always belong with you. i hope my future son has your soul. i will meet you again. sleep soundly and i will be there to visit you soon.

i will tell reuben you said hi.

magical-majikal

i wish i had piano filled beat swings fingers and voice melodic and full of dance ryhthms and truthful goose bumbs and head nods full of motion and majikal sparkle dust. i wish i could make love and love that i love and make what i love to love to love and always love, truth. i wish i could stand on stage and stare into eyes wonder like laziness upon me. upon me you lay with wisdoms and wet hands. touch i wish i could feel upon my musty body, sweat filled tears and blood drained brain i stand to focus upon you. i never have full dreams of you with water crashing against my skin, cleaning me off from you. bless me i bless you and still you think of me in misty nights and drowning sheets. i flip through pages only to find something. 1943 thats where we met, in a crowded bar with slow and stainful music stinging my ears and rubbing against stubble, i feel and met you there. you and your shiny black patent leather shoes and starched clothes. me and my cream color dress with ruffles around the neck. we touched and danced into 2005. ice cream slurping and body quaking love. it's nice to meet you again. majikal.

having dreams.

i had a dream last night that i wasn't myself. i was at the middle east and i met you there like planned. we had drinks and we laughed, conversated and was truly genuine with one another. i also had a dream that my teeth were being ripped out of my mouth by a guy wielding a hugh blade. Hi thrusted the blade into my mouth and began to hack away my teeth, gums and all.

I really need to watch my ntake of horror movies.

Last night I had a dream I was with a girl. she wanted me to rub her until she came. iono what that was about but it was just as random as the mass murderer in my dreams.

It's funny that your the only person in this world that has an insight to my mind. a key. you come in, wipe your feet on the mat and sit down in this lazy-boy chair and begin to read on and on in my mind library. I don't even mind you going through my deep dark sanctuary. i don't feel anything while you squeeze your way through the dark and wet walls of my mind. burrying through the mess and confusion. i see you standing at the edge of my re-building ordering the fraggles around and making sure it's built up-right and strong. sometimes I confused you for someone else and combine you with someone else.

does it really matter when both of them mean so much to me. to my gate keepers.

Middle East- Friday Night

I had a blast at the Middle East. I partied hard and drank hard. I met so many cool people that now they all meshed into one. I think if I met these people some 6 months ago they would have been conquests of mine or another notch on mine or their belts. One thing for sure, I had a great time. I played this layed back woman from NYC. Happily married and looking dope. The band was hot and the people were real cool. The pizza place across the street was banging and I really can't wait to go out again with my girl and place our own stamp on the world. especially in Cambridge. That's the new hot spot and my mind is all ready set on that. once you go to a place like this...clubs just seem like a meat market and not a really cool place at all. I loved to be able to drink, have conversation and enjoy a good show, without being man handled 50 million times.

i loved being known as the girl with a man that lives hundredds of miles away and you can't touch her. little did they know. i'm only a half hour away. i wanted to invite someone along but thought not. mabe next time. peaceasy.