memories.

i'm here sitting at my desk with all the fluorescent lights off and the only thing lighting my way to the key board is not my monitor, but my little Ikea lamp. it's sooo cute. I have some Lavender and Violet air freshener to my right and my Dunkin Donut coffee to my left. my glasses lay next to my office fone and my sticky pad is right in front. my head fones are off to my left attached to my computer behind my monitor. my cell fone is almost behind my to my left because of the shape of my desk. L.

i thought before i started writing of what i was going to say. or type. i have so many fond memories in my head and i can't find which one i should chat about.

i guess i will continue with the meeting of men through tech media's.

i was 17 and bored. it was summertime. high school was almost over. the year before i had gone through a traumatic situation. met an older guy online and run away with him to california. he took my innocence by corrupting my mind. so this year was terribly different.

i wanted so much to forget that year and all the things i'd done to my family and myself. from that day, i was known as the runaway. i couldn't escape everyone knowing what i had done. my name was the subject of gossip for years to come.

as i sat there at the kitchen table contemplating calling someone, anyone. i ran through my list of people to call in my little phone book, which i might add i found the other day. i called flavio first. my first love. the first guy i ever cheated on. and the first guy to ever do me wrong.

he wasn't available. like always.

i got to a page with lots of numbers on it and recognized one of them. the party line. ever since i started talking to the guy from mattapan i stopped using the partyline. it was boring and every year there was younger and younger kids on there, and plus i heard there were undercover cops on there trying to catch people hooking school or doing other things. i had already been in trouble so i really didn't want to get into that again.

until that very boring and slow summer day.

i picked up the fone and dialed in. pressed 7. then chose the room to which i would be introduced to a strong sounding man from malden.

he was so smooth. he seemed to talk straight through to me. we chatted privately and the conversation lasted for hours. it was like that movie Love potion #9. His voice had some power over me that i just couldn't deny him anything.

he wanted for me to visit him. i said i can't i have things to do around the house. but really i had nothing, i was more afraid of leaving home and my mom founding out. it was about 1p.m. when i decided i would leave and come back, making up some lie when i was to return home later that evening.

i packed my bag and walked towards main street to catch the BAT bus. he had told me that he lived alone in malden and that he would meet me at fanuel hall.

I met him after about hours trying to get there. he was just as he described. 5'10 hispanic, in his early 20's, dark eyes and dark hair. he was beautiful. his face seemed like it was chiseled out of stone and his eyes were intoxicating like his voice. he was someone i wanted to be with.

we walked towards to bus that took you over the bridge and into malden. i recognized where we were because my mom would come up there to star market to shop. the bus was packed and there was one seat available. he sat down and insisted i sit on his lap. i sat and felt his strong legs underneath me.

we arrived at his stop and we walked up this curvy hill. his house sat in the middle of the street. light green. we walked inside and up the stairs. he lived on the second floor. i remembered our conversation and how he said his parents lived on the first floor and he lived on the second. when i walked upstairs it was obvious that was a lie. he lived with his parents and his older sister named joanna who had a child.

we went straight into his bedroom after being introduced to all of them. i wanted to confront him with his disinformation, but i did not. i sat in his room and we talked and laughed. at times he was very hostile, but he would calm down. he was aggressive when he first kissed me. he made all the moves and wanted me to spend the night. i knew i couldn't but he just wouldn't let me leave. we went out for a walk and he stroked every part of my body like i was the last woman he would ever touch. hungry he was.

it was dusk and my stomach started to turn. i had to go home now or else. i begged him to let me leave. i begged. Ha.

it wasn't like he had me tied up or anything. well...he did. mentally. no matter how hard i tried i couldn't escape his words. it was about 8p.m. when i knew i wouldn't be going home that night. we walked all over malden and he passionately kissed my skin. he told me that in order for me to sleep over i was to lie and say that i missed the last bus from malden to go back home, so thus i was homeless for the night. we walked back to his house at 11:30p.m. his parents were angered that i had to stay there and it made it all the more uncomfortable.

i slept on his bed which looked to be unmade for quite some time. i could smell his hair on his pillows. he was made to sleep in the living room only 3ft. away from his bedroom door. i couldn't sleep. it started to rain that night and i kept wishing that i was at home safe in my clean bed. i wished so hard that i fell asleep not noticing who was in the room. he was at the foot of the bed, almost sizing me up. i noticed him because he moved the bed with his knee so that he could climb onto the bed. he got on top of my with his muscular body and began to grind on me. i wanted him before but at that moment i didn't. i wanted him to wait, to get to know me, to just give me a minute to love him. he entered me and left.

i lied there awake, watching the sun come up through his window. i went to rest room and washed up, being really quiet. i left and left him behind too. i went to the bus stop and sat with the morning workers for the city. i got to my house. my parents were at work and took a long hot shower. only did i notice days after that i had not left alone and that he had given me something. i went to cvs and took some medicine for it and searched on what i got either from him or from the bed. later that week i went to the doctor and found out that i had got crabs. i told him. he denied. and called me names. i will never forget that long summer day.